Christmas Dinner and the Ham

Now, I am not sure this was Christmas dinner as my memory has a tendency to fail from time to time. However, I do know it was a Ham. Jodi is really good about coming home on holidays and we truly enjoy her visits. Only on this particular time she brought Molly home with her. Molly is my four legged granddaughter. She is part Charpee ( I know I didn't spell this correctly but thats one of those dogs with all the wrinkles) and part boxer. She stands as high as my boobs (ok, before they sagged). Jodi and I got up at 5 a.m. because we were preparing this elaborate 7 pound honey baked ham that I had ordered from the honey baked ham place in Ohio for $68.00 I might add. We worked feverishly to get all the other trimmings done. 7 hours into the project and cooking it slow as per the instructions, we needed to pull the ham out and finish all the other baking. We made the mistake of putting the cooked ham on the counter to cool before slicing. Jodi and I totally pooped from standing all day and getting dinner ready decided to take a coffee break before all the other guests arrived. We were sitting at the dinning room table when we heard a loud, heavy thud. Jodi said, " just sit mom, I"ll see what that was". I waited and waited and finally I hollered to Jodi and said, "what was that noise Jodi", it was very quiet and finally I heard this sheepish...oh nothing mom. I thought hmmmm, I don't believe that! As I entered the kitchen, I found Jodi picking up the ham off of the floor attempting to reform the shape of what was left of the ham. She looked up at me and I noticed Molly in the corner licking her paws with all the honey dripping from her lips, yep, you guessed it, Molly helped herself to half of the ham. We both fell to the floor laughing until almost to the point of crying. You see...in less that one hour we had the whole family coming for dinner and no main course. I pulled her up from the floor and we cleaned up the mess. Dad was watching t.v. in the living room and as we yelled flying out the door, "be back in a minute, we forgot something", (15 minutes before the grocery store was to close for the holiday) we ran and made it into the door just before closing of the Kroger Grocery Store. We managed to find only two Canned Hams left on the shelf. We scarfed those up and ran back home. Needless to say that was the best dinner we have ever prepared TWICE. We never told a sole what actually happened to the Honey baked ham and Molly kept the secret as she spent the rest of the day in the backyard. Molly the dog is famous for that trick as there was another incident at Jodi's house on Dad's birthday involving a Chocolate Birthday cake...but, that's another story for another time!


Baked Ham (doing it the hard way) I am assuming you are gonna serve mashed potatoes with the ham. AND, don't use that instant crap. Buy a bag of potatoes, cut the peelings off, boil the damn things and mash them!

1 can of sliced pineapple in heavy juice.
1 cup of Dark Brown Sugar
1 stick of butter
2 tsps of cornstarch
ABOUT 20 Marishino Cherries

THE HAM

Regardless of what kind of ham you buy, whether by the shank, in a bag or out of a Can, it still has to have a little work done on it.

With a large heavy knife, cut cross cuts on top of the ham about a 1/2 inch down. In the center of each cut place a clove and push down into the ham.


THE GRAVY

In a pan on top of the stove, put the heavy juice from a can of pineapple. 1 cup of dark brown sugar and 1 stick of butter. Allow to melt but not boil.

Place toothpicks atop of the ham in the crosscuts with the cloves. Place one slice of Pineapple and a Cherry on top of that. Take melted mixture of brown sugar and pour 1/2 of the heated mixture over the top of the ham ( sit the other half aside) and bake according to the weight and recommended temperature on the package. Don't forget to add a little water in the bottom of the pan before baking, about 3/4 of a cup. Every half hour or so of cooking, keep the top of the ham moist by basting the top with a little juice from the bottom of the ham in the pan.

After baking, remove one cup of the juice from the cooked ham and place it in the remaining mixture of brown sugar, butter and pineapple juice. Slowly bring it to a simmer and add enough corn starch to thicken (corn starch, place two tsps of cornstarch in one cup of cold water and stir until thoroughly mixed with no lumps) you will need to add this slowly to mixture and stir at the same time. You just need enough of cornstarch and water to produce the sauce to the consistency of a thick gravy. Stir continuously as it will burn if not watched carefully!

This is the gravy for mashed potatoes and just brings a whole new life to smooth or lumpy mashed potatoes.

NOT A RECIPE FOR DIABETICS!